Video
Codependency and Addiction: How to Overcome It
By Barbara Hefferman
View Video Transcript
Have you ever found yourself worrying about someone else’s behavior regarding alcohol or drugs? You might be concerned whether they're driving drunk, if they'll make it home safely, or if they'll wake up in time for work after a night of drinking. When they’re using, you’re stressed out, and when they take a break, you feel more relaxed. These behaviors are common when you're in a relationship with someone who has a drinking or drug problem, and it's not about self-blame—these behaviors are typical until you learn otherwise. There's a term for this: codependency. Codependency can be defined as when your well-being is dependent on someone else, particularly someone struggling with addiction. Your mood hinges on how they are doing. If they’re okay, you're relieved, but you're still walking on eggshells, anticipating when things might go downhill again. This pattern of behavior was identified within the addiction field, where it was observed that family members of individuals with addictions often exhibit self-destructive behaviors, not centered around substance use, but around the person who is using. Codependency can become an addiction itself, leading to compulsive behaviors like checking up on the person, searching for signs of drug or alcohol use, and lecturing them. These actions are attempts to control what you can’t control, and they can become destructive to your well-being. If you find yourself neglecting other aspects of your life, such as your health, career, or relationships, it's a sign that codependency has taken hold. The path to recovery begins with accepting that you didn’t cause the addiction, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. This acknowledgment of powerlessness can be freeing, even though it's difficult to accept. Support groups like Al-Anon provide a space for you to get help and hear from others who share similar experiences, which can sometimes be more effective than hearing from a professional. Therapy is another helpful resource, as it can assist you in understanding how you ended up in a codependent relationship and help you foster self-compassion. Understanding how addiction affects family dynamics is key to overcoming codependency. Often, codependent behaviors stem from patterns developed in families affected by addiction. Finally, it’s important to remember that addiction is a disease, not a personal failing. This understanding can help you maintain compassion for the person struggling with addiction while setting necessary boundaries to protect your own well-being.
Overview of the Video: Codependency and Addiction: How to Overcome It
Codependency occurs when your emotional well-being is tied to someone else's behavior, particularly if they struggle with addiction. You may feel stressed when they engage in harmful behaviors like drinking or using drugs and relieved when they stop. This creates a cycle where your focus shifts from your own needs to managing theirs, often leading to compulsive behaviors that harm your well-being. Recovery begins by accepting that you can’t control or cure their addiction and involves setting healthy boundaries. Support groups like Al-Anon and therapy can help break this cycle and restore emotional balance.
Key Takeaways:
Common Worries in Codependency:
When in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction, it's normal to feel anxious about their behaviors, such as driving drunk or showing up to work on time. These worries are a sign of codependency.
Defining Codependency:
Codependency occurs when your emotional well-being becomes tied to another person’s actions, particularly someone with an addiction. You feel good when they are doing well and anxious when they aren’t.
Codependency as a Destructive Pattern:
Codependency can turn into compulsive behaviors such as constantly checking up on the person, searching for signs of substance use, or lecturing them. This focus on the other person becomes harmful to your own well-being.
Recovery from Codependency:
The first step in recovery is accepting that you didn’t cause the addiction, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. Acknowledging this powerlessness can be liberating.
Support Groups and Therapy:
Groups like Al-Anon offer support through shared experiences, while therapy can help you understand how you became codependent and cultivate self-compassion.
Family Dynamics and Addiction:
Codependent behaviors often stem from family dynamics where addiction played a role. Understanding these patterns can help break the cycle.
Understanding Addiction as a Disease:
Addiction is a disease, not a personal failure. Recognizing this helps maintain compassion while setting necessary boundaries for your own well-being.
Barbara Hefferman
Barbara Heffernan is a life coach, leading people to more self-love, self-confidence and joy. She was a psychotherapist who specialized in helping people recover from anxiety and trauma for almost two decades and is an expert in CBT and EMDR. In this channel, she integrates the best of Mindset Techniques, CBT, EMDR, Mindfulness, Buddhism and Neuroscience to help you live a sane and joyful life!
