a dog's story, lessons from laura

My name is Georgia and for years Laura was my human.  I'm now crossing the Rainbow Bridge, but before I go, here is my story about life with Laura.

addiction, lessons from laura

Many of you look at your beautiful children, are thankful for your great family, and think that addiction will never touch you.   Think again.  Addiction strikes any family and is all around you.

Addiction Statistics, lessons from laura

The statistics from studies done 3 years ago give you a picture of what is happening in the United States, and certainly, the numbers are larger 3 years later. 27 million Americans suffer from drug and alcohol addictionAges 12-17, 1.3 Million Teenagers or 1 in every 12 are addictedAges 18-25, 16.8% or 1 in every 6 are addicted.

addiction, Disease

According to Harvard Health, “Today we recognize addiction as a chronic disease that changes both brain structure and function. Just as cardiovascular disease damages the heart and diabetes impairs the pancreas, addiction hijacks the brain. This happens as the brain goes through a series of changes, beginning with recognition of pleasure and ending with a drive toward compulsive behavior.”

addiction, Addiction in Early Childhood

Nine out of ten people with substance addictions first begin using before they even turn 18. In fact, substance abuse before the age of 15 can make a person 6.5 times more likely to develop a full-blown substance use disorder later in life. 90% of addicts began using before they left high school.

addiction, Family Disease

The children of addicts are 8 times more likely to develop an addiction. A study looked at 231 people who were diagnosed with drug or alcohol addiction, comparing them to 61 people who did not have an addiction. Then it looked at the first-degree relatives (parents, siblings, or children) of those people. It discovered that if a parent has a drug or alcohol addiction, the child had an 8 times greater chance of developing an addiction.

addiction and family, family

When someone becomes addicted and relentlessly pursues the substance, their behaviors radically change and their family and friends become obstacles to getting what their brain is now craving. Most addicts are deeply in denial about their disease, are not thinking about the impact of what they are doing on themselves and certainly not thinking about how the disease and their behaviors affect those around them. Families experience tension, miscommunication, frequent arguments and an increasing level of stress and fear as the addict’s disease progresses.

wilderness therapy

As a result of our experiences in treatment with Laura, my husband and I made the decision to start a licensed wilderness therapy program in 2004, called Phoenix Outdoor. We ran it for 3 years, then sold it to CRC Health in 2007. The program was designed to change the way these adolescent treatment programs functioned by focusing on the family and taking addiction head on.  Here are some things we learned from the program.

Addiction Statistics

Addiction is all around you.  Here are the numbers: 27 million Americans suffer from drug and alcohol addictionAges 12-17, 1.3 Million Teenagers or 1 in every 12 are addictedAges 18-25, 16.8% or 1 in every 6 are addicted.

addiction, grief

If you have an addicted child, spouse or significant other, they are no longer someone you recognize. In reality, you have experienced the death of a how you saw your family, the hopes you had for your child and life as it was supposed to unfold. Don’t be afraid to tell others that you are grieving, attend support groups and seek counseling. Grieving doesn’t just happen when you lose someone. It happens when you lose the dream of what their life could and should have been.

addiction, family

If you have an addict in your immediate family, make sure not to forget the children whose lives have been turned upside down. Spend time with them, get them to talk about their feelings, get them counseling early, and involve them in support groups. They are the silent victims of the disease.

addiction and marriage, marriage

If you have a teenager or young adult that is going down the path of addiction, it’s critical that both parents come together with a battle plan that you both agree to. Then, it’s critical that you talk about how you feel about what is happening and seek counseling to help you manage the damage that is being caused to the marriage. 

grandparents

Laura was very close to her grandparents, Nana and Pop. Here is Laura dressed up with Nana in a photo session that saw her in this dress and a number of other dresses that my mother made for her. What an innocent time, but that innocence didn’t last long as Laura was beginning to experiment with drugs at age 14. That experiment led to addiction which led to her death on December 21 at age 29.

addiction, Disease

If you are struggling with an addict in your workplace, your family or in your friend circle, if they do not choose to treat the disease, it will only get worse. Addiction takes a major toll on the body and the mind and ultimately results in death, as do many diseases left untreated. 

laura bradfield

Yesterday, we had a celebration of life for Laura Bradfield, who lost her long battle with addiction on December 21. People flew in from around the country, drove from out of town, and just showed up to support our family and acknowledge that her life had meaning. Today, I want to write about what I shared with the group who came together for Laura.

addiction, risk factors

Developing an addiction begins before the age of 18 in 90% of those that eventually become addicted. And once you are in the disease state and as the disease progresses, it becomes much more difficult to treat. That is why it is important to identify who is at risk when they are Laura’s age in the picture. 

ACE, Adverse Childhood Experiences

Adverse childhood experiences (ACE) that happen in childhood can be severe such as physical or sexual abuse, neglect, violence in the home or divorce. There are other childhood experiences that may not on the surface seem acute, but nevertheless, have a profound impact on how the child copes with day to day life and they increase the risk of substance abuse.

ACE, Adverse Childhood Experience

The first thing that we have to do is to determine if a single event or a more persistent set of circumstances is considered “adverse” in the eyes of your child. Remember, as adults we have the benefit of maturity, experience, and perspective. Children don’t yet have these tools available. 

ACE, Adverse Childhood Experiences

Most of us experience setbacks and adverse experiences, but somehow, we manage to bounce back and move forward, putting those experiences in the rear-view mirror. However, for some children, having an adverse experience in childhood rocks the foundation of who they are and how they feel safe in the world. 

ACE, Adverse Childhood Experiences, Change, Change Management

Because we are adults, we look at situations with an adult lens. How many times have you caught yourself saying to your child, “just brush it off” or “it’s not that bad”, or “it’s not that big of a deal”. We’ve all done it believing that whatever issue or change the child is facing is something they’ll just get over. However, some children lack the resilience and skill set needed to manage these changes. They view them as adverse experiences, kicking off a fight or flight response in their brain that can paralyze them.  Enough of these “adverse experiences” that are not managed correctly puts your child significantly more at risk for substance abuse as they become teenagers.

drug testing

Hindsight is always 20/20 and I want to share a creative strategy that I would have used to help Laura avoid that peer pressure and the difficult decision to begin using drugs when her brain and body were at their most vulnerable. My very good friend began drug testing his only son on a regular basis when he was in middle school. This is a great kid, standout athlete, good student, and has a good friend base. So, if there was no indication that he was using drugs or might use them, why implement drug testing and why do it so early? 

parenting, role models

Parents are the most important teachers and role models for their children which should extend to the way they view drinking. Think carefully about how you manage your behavior and use opportunities to discuss responsible and legal behavior with your child. It’s never OK to support your child by allowing them to engage in illegal behavior with alcohol or pot.

electronics

Parents should be strategic about the way their children use electronics A recent study found that 85 percent of parents allow their children under age 6 to use technology in the home. The appropriate use of technology opens an entire world of exploring and learning; however, those same electronics can alter brain development, foster the same addictive effect as drugs, and can compromise your child’s safety.

sex and addiction

Acting out sexually and abusing drugs often feed off each other, and it is not uncommon for one to lead to the other. Girls abusing drugs or alcohol often engage in promiscuous behavior creating an association of being high with sex, but a more intense high since the overproduction of dopamine in the brain is triggered by both behaviors.

self regulation

 The ability for a child to self-regulate himself means that they exert control over their “climate” vs. being the thermometer that goes up or down as their climate changes. Self -regulatory skills help children focus their attention, control their emotions and be deliberate about their thinking, behavior, and feelings. Self-regulation is related to brain development and develops slowly over time until early adulthood.

Addiction Risk, Anger, Anxiety, Risk

Anger and anxiety seem to go hand in hand and are signs that your child or adolescent is disregulated. If they don’t have a strategy to manage that anger or anxiety, the risk is that they will self-medicate with the drugs that are all around them. This self-medication becomes a vicious cycle. Your job as a parent is to recognize that a child that is consistently angry or anxious is at much greater risk for addiction. Get them counseling to help them develop healthy coping skills vs. the unhealthy ways they will try and cope on their own.

awareness, monitoring the child, raise awareness

Addiction can happen even in the most healthy and supportive families. Without knowing it, some of us fall into certain parenting traps that put our children more at risk. CASA, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, conducted an interesting study of parents of children age 12-17 focusing on what they do and don’t do that puts their child at greater risk for substance abuse and addiction.

educate family, educate friends

Making the difficult decision to treat your child for their substance abuse is an act of bravery. You are being the best parent you know how to be even if others around you can’t yet see it. They haven’t walked in your shoes, don’t understand your struggle, and naturally will be a little shocked that you have this problem with your child. Educate your friends and family and let them know how to support you through the struggle. After all, it’s not the best strategy to go to war by yourself. You need as many people around you to support and help you through the struggle.

emotions for parents, parents

If you are a parent that is going or has gone through this experience with your child, you are not alone and not going through an experience that is unique. Many other parents in your situation feel the way you feel. If you have a child that is that high achiever and not affected by addiction, be sensitive to the feelings of other parents around you.

grief

As bad as my grief is, there also comes hope, purpose, and meaning. The last 30 days of Lesson from Laura has taught me that so many of you need information, insight, and strategies to protect your children. I’ve lived in a 15-year cycle of grief that I will push through and move on in order to help you. Tomorrow would have been Laura’s 30th birthday. Please read this important Lessons from Laura tomorrow where I share the birthday gift I plan to share in memory of Laura and dedicated to you.